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iamaaronmartin
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Name: Aaron
Country: United States
State: Florida
Metro: Orlando
Birthday: 3/31/1979
Gender: Male
Interests: whole lots of junk.
Expertise: stuff that is very impressive and difficult to master.
Occupation: Other
Industry: Art
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
2/1/2005
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| Sometimes things must burn down in order to stimulate the new
underbrush to grow. I remember a conversation my good friend Jamie and
I had during the hurricanes last year. We were both burning down at the
time, and looking back at the year we both come out with rather
extensive injuries. But our human bodies and Godly souls are resilient.
We both can now look back on this year and see the new undergrowth
blossoming and golden.
I am going to listen to In Motion twice in a row today, then every album Luxury ever did. I will close my day out with Catch For Us The Foxes.
If you know me, you know what those albums evoke in me. And if you
don't know me, those albums bring newness. They bring a feeling of
acceptance and of hope. And hope... hope is the most powerful of all
human emotions. Hope will let you stare right into the eyes of
temptation and the devil himself and smile. Fear will be there, looking
you right back into your soul, as well as looking out from within you,
but fear has no power here.
Here, hope is power. The shadows hold nothing but the ability to help
without being seen. The shadows are where I will be, winking at the
knowledge that others will move on. And right when things get to be
what looks like the bottom, something will happen. Fear and rejection
and disbelief and anger and all that should take hold of me, will start
to smile. Then, at that very moment, I will smile back and wink. My
right eyebrow will start to rise. And I will let out a sickeningly soft
and quick laugh. The kind of laugh that takes smiles of victory right
out of things.
Hope has taken hold.
When hope takes hold, I will rise, not of my own power but through the
power of that which gives true Hope, and all the world and you will see
is my fist ball up. I do not give up without a fight. I never have. If
you aren't willing to fight for it, you don't deserve it in the first
place. Nothing good is ever easy.
Three hours later, when all things have been in chaos, I will walk out
bleeding and hurt, but I will walk out. And I will walk out alone from
those shadows having kicked fear in the teeth. I will be stronger then,
like I am stronger now, and you will see what I am capable of then. YOU
WILL SEE. | | |
| I wish I could go back in time. I liked it back then. Maybe that is
selfish of me though. I would love to be 9 years old again. Ignorant of
the difficulties of living life. Blissful, playing with friends,
roaming the neighborhood pretending to be a super-hero. Growing up and
realizing that as much as you try, you can't be a hero is a difficult
thing to come to grips with.
I just want to drink some Kool Aid and run until my heart only pumps
pain through every inch of my body. Then I guzzle some more Kool AidÑin
the typical child-like fashion of drinking with both hands until a lack
of oxygen forces you to rip the glass from your lips and take large
outlandish breaths to keep from passing out only to shove the glass
back up to your lips and drinking until unconsciousness has it's claws
in you once again.
I will then run back outside and not stop moving until an utter lack of
energy forces you to collapse in the spot you stand at that very
moment. Somehow, that spot you stop at feels like home. I want to run
until I collapse and feel at home. I have this notion that one-way
trips force you to find a home. hasn't worked for me yet. I think I had
found a few places that were close or had promiseÑtoo bad I couldn't
hold on. My fault I guess. I need to get a stronger grip, or no grip at
all and learn to move on when things do.
It really is too bad that I am so incredibly horrible at giving up on things.
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| As posted on IAAM
I'm interested to see what is inside me. I wonder sometimes of what I am capable of (in many different aspects of life).
How strong am I? How strong can I become? What do I actually offer?
What is it that lies inside and is yearning to surface? I am not sure
of much right now. I hate that feelingÑthe feeling of being 95% sure.
It's amazing how the final lap you run is more important than the first
fifty. That final five percent holds more sway than the remaining
ninety five. Why is that? Logically it shouldn't add up, but it does.
More often than I would like it to, I might add.
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